Perfect Gun Shots & Failures

Consider me judgmental, but I didn't think Simple Plan would be good live. I don't know why. Pierre Bouvier's voice just didn't seem like it would compare to Ben's or Brent's for some reason. But I was dead wrong. I just listened to an acoustic, live version of their song Perfect and it was amazing. Still, I don't think Pierre is as good as Ben (Ben's voice is just too sexy, and mellow, and amazing even when he's sick as a dog), but it made me want to see them live in person, not just via youtube.

Also, I had the craziest dream last night/this morning. Very intense, very vibrant, almost to the point where I thought it was real, but deep down I think I knew it was a dream.

In my dream, I came downstairs to make something to eat. My mom told me to boil some watermelons and season it with pepper and salt, but not adobo seasoning. She put some other things in the boiling water and watermelons, but I don't remember. Later, as the water started to bubble over, I added some strawberries to the mix. Then I moved it off the burner because my mom told me that it might make the stove blow up.

Then, I put it in a bowl, sat down at the kitchen table and started eating. That was when my little sister came into the kitchen and sat down on one of the barstools with some guy around her age. I heard him ask, "So are you ready for me to ask you out?"

She nodded and they left for the dining room. I don't know what happened, but minutes later, she emerged from the dining room crying her eyes out. I gestured to the laundry room and we walked inside. She told me that our dad had told the boy a bunch of things so that he wouldn't want to date her anymore. Then the guy slapped her, and our dad just laughed. That made me laugh so I grabbed her arm, told her to come on, and I dragged her back into the dining room. 

I asked my dad, "What the H is your problem?" But that just made him laugh, so I chased him around the table, which was covered in red and white placemats and doilies, before turning to the  boy and glaring at him ."You're dead!" I shouted at him, and then I lunged at him, but before I could grab him, I heard a gunshot, I fell forward, and felt blood in my mouth. The gunshot, the blood, and falling all seemed to happen at the same time... as well as an ear-shattering scream. 

And then I woke up. At first, I could barely move, and I was thankful that it was morning and the sun was out, but still, I laid there fore a minute before I went to turn off the TV.

Later, I went to dreammoods.com to figure out what the different objects in my dreams meant. Well, the ones that I could remember well.

Here's what I discovered.

Watermelon: represents love, lust, desire, and fiery passion. Pregnant women and women on the verge of menstrual cycles dream of watermelons because of their bloated bodies.

At this point, I was shocked. This was the second dream I had where one of the symbols in my dream had do deal with menstrual cycles. I can not quite remember the other dream so well, otherwise I would record it here.

Strawberry: Signify sensual desires and temptation and are associated with feminine sexuality.

This was the second symbol in this dream to talk about lust and female sexuality. There was a trend here, and I knew I was on to something, so I typed in the third and final important thing from my dream. Because I never actually saw the gun, and I didn't know who shot me at all, I searched for the term "shot."

Shot: Represents a form of self-punishment that you may be unconsciously imposing on yourself. You may have done something that you are afraid of or are not proud of.

And that was when it hit me.

I was ashamed of my failure the night before. It was one of the most intense one's I've had in awhile, and all day yesterday I kept thinking "I wonder if I'd be in a better mood right now if I hadn't done that last night." 

Until today, I always thought that these dream mood interpretation things were fake, but now I see that they aren't as fake as I thought they were. Either I'm a fool, or by typing in the key objects in my dream, I was able to determine what my unconscious mind was feeling and thinking.

I'm ashamed of what I've done, ashamed that I'm having such a hard time quitting, and ashamed that even as I sit here right now I'm thinking of how great it would be to just give in.

What in the world am I going to do with myself?