UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Why are people so selfish?

One Step at a Time

I've been slacking a lot lately, more failures than normal, and ignoring my blog. But I'm working my way back up to the way I was a few weeks ago. I've even started a new story idea. I think it has a ton of potential. I worked on it a lot yesterday, more than I normally write. I think it's really good, and I'll have to thank Caleb for giving me the idea. Well, actually, it was my idea, but I never would have turned it into this huge new plot if I hadn't met him. :)  So it's all good.

In short, my new story takes place in a parallel universe where an elite group of people, known as the executioners, keep witches and other paranormal beings such as vampires and lycans in their place. They were placed with this civic duty many, many years ago by a good witch who was shocked by the state of the world--it was overrun by witches, vampires, and werewolves who wanted to release the demons. With the aid of the executioners, the world was able to return to it's normal order. However, now someone is talking about releasing the demons again. This witch is one of the strongest in the witch community, and she will stop at nothing to achieve her goals. Late one night, she visits the Benoit household--a family a executioners-- and slaughters all of them. All of them except for their nineteen year old daughter Adrienne. Adrienne is rendered unconcious by the witches--Valerie-'s attack, and when she awakes she notices the house is on fire. But Adrienne doesn'tr remember who, what or where she is. She leaves the house just as it collapses and seeks to discover who she is.

There are still many questions I have about my book such as:

-What does Valerie look like?
-How does she plan on releasing the demons?

The Crow and the Butterfly -Awesome Video

The video for The Crow and the Butterfly is finally out, and I couldn't be more happy. The video definitely fits the song! I love it!

Failure and Research List

I had a failure today. Well, actually it was yesterday since it is nearly 3AM. I don't know what got into me. They say when a women is ovulating, which I obviously have bee recently considering... you know, her libido increases. I witnessed that over the last few days for sure.

----

Anyway, back to business. I need to research the basics of the following

-The art of bar-tending
-Fashion design
-Fairies & Elementals
-Other mythical creatures

fail

Perfect Gun Shots & Failures

Consider me judgmental, but I didn't think Simple Plan would be good live. I don't know why. Pierre Bouvier's voice just didn't seem like it would compare to Ben's or Brent's for some reason. But I was dead wrong. I just listened to an acoustic, live version of their song Perfect and it was amazing. Still, I don't think Pierre is as good as Ben (Ben's voice is just too sexy, and mellow, and amazing even when he's sick as a dog), but it made me want to see them live in person, not just via youtube.

Also, I had the craziest dream last night/this morning. Very intense, very vibrant, almost to the point where I thought it was real, but deep down I think I knew it was a dream.

In my dream, I came downstairs to make something to eat. My mom told me to boil some watermelons and season it with pepper and salt, but not adobo seasoning. She put some other things in the boiling water and watermelons, but I don't remember. Later, as the water started to bubble over, I added some strawberries to the mix. Then I moved it off the burner because my mom told me that it might make the stove blow up.

Then, I put it in a bowl, sat down at the kitchen table and started eating. That was when my little sister came into the kitchen and sat down on one of the barstools with some guy around her age. I heard him ask, "So are you ready for me to ask you out?"

She nodded and they left for the dining room. I don't know what happened, but minutes later, she emerged from the dining room crying her eyes out. I gestured to the laundry room and we walked inside. She told me that our dad had told the boy a bunch of things so that he wouldn't want to date her anymore. Then the guy slapped her, and our dad just laughed. That made me laugh so I grabbed her arm, told her to come on, and I dragged her back into the dining room. 

I asked my dad, "What the H is your problem?" But that just made him laugh, so I chased him around the table, which was covered in red and white placemats and doilies, before turning to the  boy and glaring at him ."You're dead!" I shouted at him, and then I lunged at him, but before I could grab him, I heard a gunshot, I fell forward, and felt blood in my mouth. The gunshot, the blood, and falling all seemed to happen at the same time... as well as an ear-shattering scream. 

And then I woke up. At first, I could barely move, and I was thankful that it was morning and the sun was out, but still, I laid there fore a minute before I went to turn off the TV.

Later, I went to dreammoods.com to figure out what the different objects in my dreams meant. Well, the ones that I could remember well.

Here's what I discovered.

Watermelon: represents love, lust, desire, and fiery passion. Pregnant women and women on the verge of menstrual cycles dream of watermelons because of their bloated bodies.

At this point, I was shocked. This was the second dream I had where one of the symbols in my dream had do deal with menstrual cycles. I can not quite remember the other dream so well, otherwise I would record it here.

Strawberry: Signify sensual desires and temptation and are associated with feminine sexuality.

This was the second symbol in this dream to talk about lust and female sexuality. There was a trend here, and I knew I was on to something, so I typed in the third and final important thing from my dream. Because I never actually saw the gun, and I didn't know who shot me at all, I searched for the term "shot."

Shot: Represents a form of self-punishment that you may be unconsciously imposing on yourself. You may have done something that you are afraid of or are not proud of.

And that was when it hit me.

I was ashamed of my failure the night before. It was one of the most intense one's I've had in awhile, and all day yesterday I kept thinking "I wonder if I'd be in a better mood right now if I hadn't done that last night." 

Until today, I always thought that these dream mood interpretation things were fake, but now I see that they aren't as fake as I thought they were. Either I'm a fool, or by typing in the key objects in my dream, I was able to determine what my unconscious mind was feeling and thinking.

I'm ashamed of what I've done, ashamed that I'm having such a hard time quitting, and ashamed that even as I sit here right now I'm thinking of how great it would be to just give in.

What in the world am I going to do with myself?

Haiku- The Temptations

The  Temptations

I want to give in 

To this sad, lecherous sin
No sunshine today

 16DAYS

Smoke Detectors Can Burn

So, this morning, I woke up and realized I'd forgotten to post a decent post yesterday. Oops, I guess it kind of slipped my mind. What's funny is I remember having such a good topic to talk about, but I forgot. My bad. :)

Anyway, so I decided not to read the Anita Blake book next. Instead, I'm reading Darkfever. I just finished the prologue, and let me say that it was absolutely amazing as far as writing goes. :) As for the story line, I'm not so sure. I'll have to get back to you once I'm more than nine pages in.

Today was okay for the most part. Running on three hours of sleep left me cranky. Why did I only get three hours? Because my smoke detector batteries are running low, and it would not stop beeping. I mean, it's nice to have the occasional reminder that I need to replace the battery, but beeping loudly every five minutes is a little excessive. Especially when it's first thing in the morning. :P I'll live though. Hopefully tonight will run smoother. I don't know if I can take another three hour nap.

Anyway, that's about it for today. I want to post a picture though, just because. :)

 18 DAYS :)

fail

"Alone" by Lisa Gardner

Barely five minutes ago, I finished one of the best books I've ever read in my life--"Alone" by Lisa Gardner. I can honestly say that Lisa Gardner has done it again. Every book I've read by her has been pure joy with a dash of drama, suspense, mystery, and action. Throw in a few recurring characters, intense plots, and amazing characters and you've got yourself the best book ever.

Since I read "Hide" before I read "Alone", the end and identity of the major antagonist did not surprise me. However, that does not mean I was not surprised. Lisa Gardner has a way of doing the exact opposite of what you think she's going to do. And if it's not the exact opposite, then it's something you wouldn't have expected in a million years.

She's also not afraid to delve into issues that other's deem too sensitive for mainstream literature such as incest, rape, domestic violence, cop issues, and pedophilia. And she doesn't just talk about these issues, she takes you into the minds of those involved with each of those issues. Ever want to know how a pedophile thinks? The Burgerman in "Say Goodbye" will let you into his mind. Rape victims? Cathrine Gagnon and many other characters throughout her novels will tell you all about their tragedies and pasts. 

It's very clear that Lisa Gardner conducts a lot of research when planning and writing her various novels. Each one seems like it's based on a true story although she claims that everything is pure fiction. However, according to her site, she does do a lot of research. She calls cops, FBI agents, reads numerous articles about numerous crimes. All of this, although tedious, combined with her extraordinary style of writing leads to a kick-ass novel that'll keep you reading at all hours of the night guessing until the end.

So what exactly is "Alone" about? 

"Alone" follows Bobby Dodge, a state trooper and one of the snipers in the Massachussetts SWAT team, after he kills Cathrine Gagnon's husband Jimmy when he and his unit are called to their brownstone for a domestic dispute. Jimmy is waving a gun at his wife, who's holding their sickly son, and when Bobby feels like Jimmy is about to shoot her, he aims, pulls the trigger, and blows Jimmy's brains out.

You would think that Dodge would be honored as a hero, but Jimmy's rich father accuses him of murder. On top of that, Jimmy's father, Judge James Gagnon, will do anything to get custody of Jimmy's son, Nathan, because he believes that Catherine is abusing her poor, sick son.

And when people surrounding the Gagnon family are murdered, no one quite knows who to blame.

Lisa Gardner explores Dodge's family history, the seductive Catherine's many lovers and tragic past, and one shocking family secret in her epic novel "Alone", making it a must read story. 

I loved this book, and it only made me want to read more of her novels. :) 

Up Next On My Reading List: Circus of the Damned by Laurell K. Hamilton

Averages

I've been doing a little research on the LSAT (unlike the SAT, I would like to be more than prepared). To get into Harvard or Yale Law, it would be best for me to score about a 171. The highest score on the LSAT is a 180. The scores range between 120 and 180, so as you can see, a 171 and damn near perfect. Not only that, but it's structure is similar to the ACT in terms of time. I think each section is about 35 minutes. The sections are:

-Logical Reasoning
- Reading Comprehension
- Analytical Reasoning
-Unscored Section
- Writing Sample

Obviously, I think English can help with the majority of these sections. In fact, in study done a few years back, English majors scored higher than those who majored in Pre-Law. However, their score was about average(average is 151) with just a 155.

But I've always been above average. At least, that's how I see myself. Other people may think I'm one in the same, but I pride myself in going against the grain. That's why I'm going to Dartmouth. It's the Ivy League school that's not quite the same as the other Ivies. People are pompous assholes who's only glory lies in their SAT scores and numerous AP classes. When I visited Dartmouth, people were interested in me. Not my successes, not my failures, and definitely not my scores.

Plus, it's putting me in the position to challenge everything that I believe in and do things I never thought I'd ever do. The first time I step on campus as a '14 and not a prospie, they are going to throw me into the woods, and we'll all go camping. I'll be the first to say that I'm not an outdoor person, but just thinking about my trip has me more than excited.

That's not the only thing. Their summer reading is going to force me to read a book I'd never read on my own, they're going to make me swim, ski, and talk to people I may not have talked to in high school. And finally, they're going to make me study abroad in a country I never would have traveled to on my own.

I'm ready for the challenge, I'm ready for the changes, and I'm excited to see what new things Dartmouth can teach me. Whether I learn to love hiking or realize that I'll always hate swimming, my Dartmouth experience will be above the average college experience, and that's what makes it right for me. I'm not average, the people at Dartmouth are not average, and the Dartmouth experience is in no way average.

Untitled- Simple Plan

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No, I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just want to scream
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound, but no one hears me
I'm slipping on the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold on to a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No, I can't

How could this happen to me?
I made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just want to scream
How could this happen to me?

I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

-"Untitled", Simple Plan

I had to post this song. It reminds me so much of the book I'm reading titled "Alone" by Lisa Gardner. It reminds me of how Bobby Dodge felt during the aftermath of the shooting; the way Catherine Gagnon must have felt when she became the "Thanksgiving Miracle", but deep down she was so shattered, and no one could understand how she felt or what she was going through.

I love this song. :)

Storm Front by Jim Butcher

Storm Front was an amazing novel, and I honestly can not wait to make it to the second book (after I read one of my library books, of course :D). Harry Dresden is the perfect character--strengths, flaws, quirks, and a great back story. No, he doesn't get every girl, but he isn't a depressed emo loner either. He's simply a character. He lives, he breathes, and although he isn't human, I swear he could be real.

The plot was also great. It was full of suspense and action with a tad bit of sexual energy. The perfect adult novel. Is it better than the Anita Blake series? I don't know. I love them both equally. FYI: I recently forgave the Anita Blake series for it's future faults that I have not read yet, and I will still read the books simply because the author is amazing.

I don't really have much of a review for this, but I guess I could summarize it.

Storm Front is about a wizard named Harry Dresden. He works as a private investigator and a regular police consultant when it comes to "unnatural" crimes dealing with demons, wizards, etc. When Harry gets called by his long time friend Murphy to give his opinion on the murder of two lovers--a call girl and a body guard for the leader of the mob, things get ugly. No one but a powerful wizard could have pulled off a murder that brutal, that powerful. And when he realizes that dragging the police into the mix could lead to their death, he holds back information, which makes him one of the prime suspects.

While engaging in intense battle scenes involving demons, scorpions, and angry mobsters, Harry tries to piece together the murders while solving another mystery involving Monica Sells and her mysterious husband who has recently become involved in wizardry.

Storm Front is an excellent start to what promises to be an amazing series, and I can't wait to read the rest of the stories and see what Harry Dresden gets himself into next time.

Next on my list: Alone by Lisa Gardner

Boredom

I am so freaking bored today, which sucks because it is the fourth of July. I have no idea what I want to do. Actually, I do. I want to read, but I know I won't get the opportunity. It's hard to read and fold towels at the same time. Nearly impossible. Being on the computer and reading is completely possible. Being on the computer and folding towels is also possible, but reading? No. Hm, maybe if I opened the ebook on my computer I could. I just have to remember what page I'm on.

More blogging later.

-TLE

2010 Rocks My Socks Off

Two extremes are always better when they meet up. I never understood how that concept could be applied to roleplaying until this week. We sat there, came up with a basic plot that we could follow and made our own characters. We completely winged it, but at the same time we had some direction. That's what writing should be like. That's what roleplaying should be like.

From now on, I have my preference.

--------------------------------------------------------------

And now let's talk about something completely random. Let's talk about... I really don't know. I'll come back to this later! Time to watch Avatar.

-five minutes later, literally-

Okay, I know what I want to talk about now. There's so many things that I want to do this summer. I have a reading list, a list of goals that I want to accomplish, etc. I just know I won't get to all of it. I'm so behind on the books I want to read this summer. I've read very few books this summer. Only two. That's like a record for me, I think.

I want to say I'll work on it, but I know I'll say it and never do it. At least two things are accomplished on my list of goals for the year of 2010. I definitely write everyday now, I've rocked out, and I got my driver's license yesterday.

Actually, I think that would be the whole list just about. There's just one more thing, and I fail at that every two days. I almost failed today, but I wouldn't let myself. I made myself think of something else. I'm working on it though.

Speaking of goals, here are two bands that I want to look up:

-A Day to Remember
-Saosin

Right now I'm in the midst of delving into 10 Years. I really love this band, and I'm so psyched that they'll be at the Shinedown Concert too. Once I'm done with 10 Years, I'll move on to the other bands touring with them--Chevelle, Sevendust, and Puddle of Mudd.

Seems to me like it'll be an awesome concert.
And an awesome summer

Van Nuys - Sixx AM

I don't wanna die out here in the valley
Waiting for my luck to change
And I just want my dad to know
That I finally made it

Everybody gets high
Everbody gets low
Everybody gets bruised
Everybody gets sold

I don't wanna die out here in the valley
You don't have to lie
I know that's what I'll do
I don't want my mom to know that I never loved my life
And I sold my soul

Everybody gets high
Everybody gets low
Everybody gets bruised
Everybody gets sold
Everybody gets dark
Everybody unfolds
Everybody gets high
Everybody gets sold

And everyone's eyes are blue
And everyones mouth is dry
And nobody wants to die
In Van Nuys
Van Nuys

Everybody gets low
Everybody gets bruised
Everybody gets bruised
Everybody gets high
Everybody unfolds
Everybody gets high
Everbody gets sold

Everyone's eyes are blue
And Everyone's mouth is dry
And nobody wants to die
In Van Nuys
Van Nuys

Everyone's eyes are blue
And everyone's mouth is dry
And nobody wants to die
In Van Nuys
Van
Everyone's eyes are blue
And everyone's mouth is dry
And nobody wants to die
In Van Nuys
Ooooh
Everyone's eyes are blue
And everyone's mouth is dry
And nobody wants to die
In Van Nuys
Van Nuys

-"Van Nuys", Six Am

iPod vs Zune

Well, I've decided to add to my summer goal list, which, may I add, I am epically failing at. Actually, I wouldn't say I'm failing at it, but I can do better. Anyway, I'm adding to the Rock Out part of it. I want to get three new CDs from different artists every month. That way I can delve into the rock genre more without having to listen to the radio, which for some reason I just don't like.

And I say all that as a reminder to look into Five Finger Death Punch. I was using my Smart DJ tool, and their song came up, and I just loved it.

Now that that's done. Let's talk about iPods.


All of my friends know how I feel about them. I'd rather have a Zune for the following reasons.

•  The Zune Pass: For $15 a month I can have any song on the marketplace. iPod can't offer me those spects.
• HD: It has HD radio, which I have't used, but the images are also brighter and better.
• Durability: iPods are too fragile. One drop and you need a new one.
• Everyone has an iPod.

It's not that I hate iPods. I just don't want to jump on the bandwagon. Plus, the Zune HD is a better deal for me even though Microsoft doesn't know how to manage it well. For example, they are pulling the Kins off the market even though they were just released two months ago. Their reasoning? No one is buying them. They really didn't give the Kins a fighting chance. They want to put all of their energy into the Windows 7 phone, but if that doesn't sell, I bet they'll pull that off as well.

When I hear things like that, I want to give in and buy an iPod, but I definitely don't want to invest in limewire again. Not when I'm going to Dartmouth and limewire and frostwire are infested with viruses. Also, the Zune gives a much better deal for music.

I am sticking with my HD even if it means I will never own a Mac, which, I'm not going to lie, I would love a mac. Sadly, Windows won't let the Zune software work on that OS. Figures. But I like Windows too, I guess. Macs just look nicer.

So many posts, only one day

God, I feel like there is so much on my mind right now. I feel like I frickin lost my best friend today after that one post shortly before midnight, but it's true. I needed to kick her out of my circle if i want to move forward. It's not that she brings a lot of drama, it's just that even though I consider her my bestie, I still have days where I feel really lonely--like I'm investing too much time and  energy into the wrong friendships.

Don't get me wrong, she's not horrible. She doesn't yell at me, we've never had a real argument, and as far as I know, she doesn't talk about me behind my back. But she's unreliable. I can't tell her anything. Not because she won't tell anyone, but because she'll forget.  Sometimes I start talking to her, and she doesn't even notice. Then she starts talking about something else.

And I don't want to bring up the money thing with Phi or the lost library book that I had to pay for myself.

She has a lot of growing up to do I guess, and maybe I've grown up too much sot hat we're farther apart. I don't know. I just... I don't feel like we're best friends anymore. Sure, we can laugh at anything, but she does that with everyone because she's such a big kid.

And then there's JB. I can't believe that he would keep something like that a secret from me when I literally pour my heart out to him. He lied to me. He told me he'd never... ugh.. do that again because he was abstinent, but then he goes and tries to fuck the girl he doesn't even like. He calls her a freaking pig. It's like... he wants to know everything about everyone, but he won't let anyone in to talk to him.

I feel like I'm losing friends left and right. Am I too picky? Why is it so hard for me? Have I been here too long?

And guys.

Why. Have. I. Only. Had. One. Boyfriend.

Every conversation I have with friends is about their exes and the different things about them, and I can barely contribute anything to the convo. Am I too shy? What is my problem?

MaybeI should focus on other things like the story I'm trying to write, but the thing is, I can't even remember what I wanted to do with the story from before I went on my little vacation. And I wrote all that ish down. There's something wrong with me. I can't find my inspiration.

I was so excited to come back so that i can be inspired, but all of that has flown out the window.

And I've done the bad habit twice. Twice in like four hours at least. i can't believe myself. I thought I was better than that.

And maybe I should stop beating myself up for things like this, but I have so much on my mind right now. If I don't get it off, I'll never be able to tap into my creativity.

Part of me yearns to return to my childhood days, but even those were filled with lonliness and jealousy of the people around me who were the complete opposite of me. I wish I was someone else right now. I really do.

And maybe that's the root of the whole problem. I'm not comfortable in my own skin.

Failure

Two failures today, and yeah, they do only cme when I'm feeling a tad lonely. Ugh. i have no idea how to fix this.

The Crow and the Butterfly- Awesome Guitar Solo Version

How I Feel Right Now

Every street in this city is the same to me
Everyone's got a place to be, but there's no room for me
Am I to blame when the guilt and the shame hang over me
Like a dark cloud that chases you down in the pouring rain.

It's so hard to find someone who cares about you
But it's easy enough to find someone who looks down on you
Why is it so hard to find someone who cares about you
When it's easy enough to find someone who looks down on?

It's not what it seems when you're not on the scene there's a chill in the air
But there's people like me that nobody sees
So nobody cares

Why is it so hard to find someone who cares about you
When it's easy enough to find someone who looks down on you?
Why is it so hard to find someone who can keep it together when you've come undone
Why is it so hard to find someone who cares about you?

I swear this time it won't turn out the same
'cause now I've got myself to blame
And you'll know when we end up on the streets
That it's easy enough to find someone who looks down on you

Why is it so hard to find someone who cares about you
When it's easy enough to find someone looks down you?
Why is it so hard to find someone who can keep it together when you've come undone?
Why is it so hard to find someone who cares about you?

-Three Days Grace, "Someone Who Cares"

---------

Tonight my head is spinning

I need something to pick me up

I've tried, nothing is working

I won't stop

I won't say I've had enough

Tonight, I start the fire. 

Tonight, I break away

Break away from everybody

Break away from everything 

If you can't stand the way this place is

Take yourself to higher places

At night, I feel like a vampire

It's not right, but I just can't give it up

I'll try to get myself higher

Let's go

We're gonna light it up

Tonight we start the fire

Tonight we break away

Break away from everybody

Break away from everything

If you can't stand the way this place is

Take yourself to higher places

If you can't stand the way this place is

Take yourself to higher places

Break away from everybody

Break away from everything

If you can't stand the way this place is

Take yourself to higher places

Higher places

To higher places

Higher places

Take yourself to higher places

-Three Days Grace, "Break"

Fuck You Too Then

I can't believe it. Period. How could someone so nice and sweet be so cold and callous? Does she not realized that her nonchalance and irresponsibility could have ruined a trip that we all worked so hard to perfect? Phi spent all of her extra money on her share of the hotel room, so she didn't have money for food or transportation. She couldn't help with the tip, the cab, or anything like that. Phi was broke, and I--K's so called best friend--had to chip in and make sure Phi could eat.

And what does K do?

She ignores our messages, our phone calls, deletes the wall post we put on her facebook asking where she was. What's she going to do? Pretend she never got any of that stuff? Bullshit.

So much for being best friends when she stoops as low to forget my calls. Fuck her. If there was one thing I was sad about leaving behind when I went to New Hampshire, it was her--my best friend, but she's just too irresponsible and I'm sick and tired of paying for her crap. The lost library book that I had to pay for because she lost it and would not pay it. When she ditched me and my family at the beach when she promised to come, and now she owes Phi 105 dollars. I should have seen it coming. I should have, after the first time ,and deep down I knew she wasn't coming.

But as her best friend, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. But no more. She will no longer receive favors and charity from me. I don't care what she says, how much she begs, and if she talks to me. In fact, now she rarely talks to me on her own time. She's never the first to text me. Sure, she called me last week, but it was only to tell me she saw someone she knew. I'm tired of being a better friend to her than she is to me. I'm tired of being taken advantage of by her even if she doesn't realize her behaviors.

But I know one thing. She knows that she did something wrong this weekend and it cost Phi 105 dollars. That's why she deleted that status, ignored our calls, and our messages. That's why she tried to ignore me when I told her to call Phi today. She doesn't care that Phi didn't have any money while we were in Myrtle Beach or that Phi earned that money herself. She's selfish, immature, and a bad friend, and I don't want someone like her as a friend.

Five years my ass. She better not ask me for a damned thing.

Bad failure today. I'm not seeing much improvement. Maybe ugh... Maybe if I could figure out why. I mean, normally  I think I o it only when I feel lonely, but today... Well, the thoughts did come up while I was left alone again... and I was left a lot today so I  guess that would explain... I dunno. Yesterday, the Anita Blake novel did stop me from making another one. Maybe that's the key. In which case, I should go ahead and buy the next book, but if I do buy it, I know I won't be sleeping tonight. I need to sleep. I have a dentist appointmenti n the AM. In the meantime, I  want to work on a hobby and improve my writing skills for Dartmouth.

I know I've said this a lot, but I'm serious about writing everyday. I just have to write. Don't plan it, just write. That will unleash my creativity.

Summer Reading List

1. All of the Anita Blake Novels
2. Reread the HP series
3. The Millennium Trilogy
4. The Scent of Shadows
5. Dead Witch Walking
6. The Dresden Files

fail

It sucks

I didn't have a good day today. It just felt like nobody cared. I've been stuck in the house for almost a full week. No one's texted to ask if I want to do anything, people haven't been responding to my texts, and I rarely get any wall posts on facebook. I'm beginning to feel like a loser and it sucks.

Ugly

Are you ugly?

A liar like me?

A user?

A lost soul?

Someone you don't know?

Money, it's no cure

A sickness so pure

Are you like me?

Are you ugly?

We are dirt

We are alone

You know we're far from sober

We are fake

We are afraid

You know it's far from over

We are dirt

We are alone

You know we're from from sober

Look closer

Are you like me?

Are you ugly?

Turn a blind eye

Why do I deny?

Medicate me 

So I die happy

A strain of cancer

Chokes the answers

Are you like me?

A liar like me?

We are dirt

We are alone

You know we're far from sober

We are fake

We are afraid

You know it's far from over

We are dirt

We are alone 

You know we're far from sober

Look closer

Are you like me

Are you ugly?

I don't care

You don't care

I've been there

You're angry

You don't care

I don't care

You love you 

Just like me

I blame you

You blame me

I've been there

You're angry

You don't care

I don't care

You love you

Like me

We are dirt

We are alone

You know we're far from sober

We are fake

We are afraid

You know it's far from over

We are dirt

WE are alone

You know we're far from sober

Look closer

Are you like me?

Are you ugly?

Are you ugly?

Are you ugly?

-The Exies

Failure

Let's just say I've had three consecutive failures this week. One was a half failure actually.

Today

Today, I plan to spend the day mirroring. Once I'm done, I'll move on to reading so that I can finish the Book of Spies.

Dance With the Devil

Here I Stand

Helpless  and left for dead

Close your eyes 

So many days go by

Easy to find what's wrong

Harder to find what's right

I believe in you.

I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies

I won't stay long in this world so wrong

Say goodbye

As we dance with the devil tonight

Don't you dare look at him in the eye

As we dance with the devil tonight

Trembling

Crawling across my skin

Feeling your cold dead eyes

Stealing the life of mine

I  believe in you

I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies

I won't last long 

In this world so wrong

Say goodbye

As we dance with the devil tonight

Don't you dare look at him in the eye

As we dance with the devil tonight

Hold on

Hold on

Say goodbye

As we dance with the devil tonight

Don't you dare look at him in the eye

As we dance with the devil tonight

Hold on

Hold on

--Breaking Benjamin

Best Summer Ever *'10

This is going to be the best summer ever. I know, I know. I've been out of school and officially on summer break for a month, but it hit me today that this was going to be the best summer.

I'm going to the beach with friends.
Seeing Shinedown in concert <3
And I have Dartmouth to look forward to in the fall.

I can't wait.

New Writing Ideas

So I'm in the process of coming up with some new ideas. The only problem is, it's just so difficult. I don't know where to begin, and I'm afraid, as always, that once I get the idea, it'll seem great for a week or two, and then I'll just dump it like I always do.

How do you maintain interest?

I don't know, but I'll find out.

Right now, I know the gist of what I want. I want some kind of adventure reminscent of Avatar: The Last Airbender and Golden Sun/Golden Sun: The Lost Age. Maybe even throw a few Harry Potter-esque elements in such as a boarding school setting. I don't know. Maybe I'll think it through while I take a shower.

To Do List

-Writing Placement Test
-Pick DOC trip
-Free Write  for fifteen minutes
-Read at least 50 pages of  The Book of Spies
-Catch DJD up in length & Get DJ to the classroom
-Find the last few pictures. Get the songs for the present

A Work in Progress

I read some of my older blog posts to take my mind off of my bad habit, and I realized I haven't even almost completed any of the goals on my new year's resolution list. Let me refresh your memory.

-Write everyday
-Rock out
-Quit cold turkey.

I've made some progress, I guess, but I'm not where I hoped I would be merely six months ago. I will consider this a reminder of the path I chose for myself at the start of this year, and slowly, I will pave my own road as I go forth.

I've really been slacking on the "write everyday" resolution though. Every day I add "write a short story" to my to do list, and it rarely gets crossed off. If I want to write a novel, then I need to improve my writing/organization skills. That'll never happen if I never write. If I use research and planning as my excuse for not free writing. So as of right now I will change all of that.
-----

Now that that is taken care of, let's move on to the next thing on my mind: the ex. We broke up the summer before sophomore year, and now I ask, is it weird for him to want me to wear the necklace he gave me? I mean, he's got a new girlfriend--my sister's friend. And sometimes I find myself wishing they'd break up. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. I regret breaking up with him, and now I want him back. Before, I was too stubborn to do it, but now... I don't know. Sometimes I feel like he still has feelings for me.  The necklace, texting me all the time about how he doesn't want me to forget him, etc. He even let me sign his yearbook first. Plus, when we went to the beach, I heard my sister ask him what he wanted in his relationship. He said he didn't know.

That was the day he asked me if he was my first boyfriend.
And the day he asked me to always wear his necklace.

He is confusing me, and I don't like being confused. Although I believe I still have feelings for him, I do not think that I would take him back simply because it would be a long term relationship. Also, I think right now I truly need to be single.

-----

And the final thing on my mind:

I started a new roleplay last night. It started out fine, but in all honesty, my new partner can't write to save her life. I can tell she doesn't put much effort into her characters because they do whatever my characters do. For example, when I said that my female character stabbed her male character with the fork, she automatically started trying to antagonize my male character. She kept emphasizing that she got in his face. In fact, she's said that like three posts in a row. It's ridiculous.

I need a partner who is creative. Not someone who creates characters with no personally. When it comes to roleplaying, I'll be the first to admit that I am picky which is probably why I only have one ongoing roleplay at the moment, and if I had met her for the first time today, we probably wouldn't be roleplaying either. =/ Maybe. It depends on how much she's changed roleplay wise as well. She has a fair chance. I really love roleplay with her. She creates good characters, thinks of good ideas, and she's fun to talk to about everyday things. =)

-----

Well, I think that's about it for tonight. I can't really think of anything else I would like to talk about. I hope that this took the urge away. If not, I'll be writing about my failure to hold back immediately after. :P Let's hope that doesn't happen.

-Au Revoir <3

To Do List

I forgot to make one earlier. =)

-Find pictures & screenies for present
-Catch DJ senior up with DJ
-Finally freewrite

It just hit me

It just hit me. Two weeks ago, I graduated from high school, and this fall I will be in college. I will go on DOC trips, and ultimately, I will be away from all of my friends and family. Oh my God, I can't believe it. The mailing we received today about DOC trips made everything feel so real. It's not a dream; it's not something I can put off anymore.

Putting of anything will make my first year suck.

And to top it all off, I am in an Ivy League school. Wow. I never thought I could make it. I never thought I would make it. Not after I read that book "Good Enough" and realized how difficult it was to accomplish what I have accomplished. I realized that, judging by my scores and classes, there was no way I'd be admitted. But I did it. I defeated all the odds, and now I will be going to The Big Green this September.

I can not wait. :)

To do List

-Clean the kitchen
-Write: two quotes, completed freewrite for ten each
-Present: get the screenies
-Mirror: catch DJD up with DJ

I have made my decision... kind of

Okay, so in my last post about five minutes ago I said I was deciding between French, Spanish, and Latin. Taking a new language at Dartmouth sounds scary, and I think it'd be beneficial to me if I simply built on the foundations I started working on in high school. IE: Spanish and French. Which language I choose ultimately depends on what I get on the Spanish placement test since there isn't one for French. I would hate to have to start all the way over with Spanish 1 for the third time, but if I place in Spanish 2 I will will be a happy dog.

Epic Failure

I had two failures today. I don't know what's wrong with me. I swore I'd give it up, but I couldn't even last one day. Is it because I'm lonely? Am I becoming addicted to the pleasure? Maybe I was just bored. I remember beings bored right before I started. Then I typed a few special words into Delicious, and it all went downhill from there.

If this keeps up, I may need help. My goal is to quit before I get to Dartmouth in September.

Speaking of Dartmouth, we received our mailing today! I'm browsing the courses for this fall right now, trying to decide if I want to stick with French, return to Spanish, or switch to Latin. I have no idea. This is indecisiveness at it's worst.

Back to the subject of epic fails, I don't think I accomplished one thing on the to-do list I created yesterday, so I will start again. They're basically the same though. =)

To Do List for June 4th:
-Read
-Mirror 
-Present
-Write
-Think of places to  apply I thought of them, and applied to the ones online/saved the ones I need to print: Subway, Coldstone, Movie Theater by the the house, CiCis

Six. Three. Ten To Do List

-Write something that doesn't have to do with the roleplay
-Start on her birthday present/ Decide what I want to do for it. It's in between a Twilight Parody, and a bunch of horrible intros found of Neopets/ Things we dislike but love to criticize
-Work on the mirror
-Read
-Find online applications to fill out.

I'm Back and I'm Proud

So, I'm back, and I have officially graduated from high school as of May 25th. It still hasn't hit me yet, but maybe writing this down will speed the process. Knowing my luck, it won't hit me until I start school at Dartmouth--still can't believe I was accepted there. Wow. Anyway, there's a lot I want to do this summer, and if things keep going the way they're going I won't accomplish anything.

 Back in the day when I wrote in my blog everyday, I used to make to-do list, so that's what I'm going to do today. This post will contain my to-do list for the summer, and I will post another issue detailing the things I would like to accomplish today. =)


My Summer To-Do List
-Get my license
-Get a Job
-Get comfortable with the pool
-Read one book a week
-Write a novel
-Write short stories
-Write everyday

Sick && Tired

I'm sick and tired of finding a roleplay with the potential to be great, and then as soon as I post my intro, the little bastards run off. Posts like, "Oh, sorry. Jet lag. Be back soon" or "Ooo loved it, but I have to run." Are really getting annoying. If you don't like it then tell me. That's what all of you promise to do in your little sites. Or maybe it isn't that you don't like it. Maybe you're intimidated by my five to seven paragraphs. Well, newsflash, I'm not diminishing my intros for you. Or making them longer by filling them with purple prose. I roleplay to improve my writing, not to go backwards. So get off your high horse, look yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself to fuck off.

It's been awhile

It's been awhile since I last posted, but I'm back with refreshed enthusiasm. First of all, I got into two Ivy Leagues: Dartmouth and Pennsylvania. I've already decided to go to Dartmouth. I can't wait to go visit next week.

Also, I'm trying to write daily so that I can begin the process of writing a shorty story or a novel. Ii've really been slacking on my '10 resolutions, but I'm here to take charge once again.

FYI, I have failed twice this week. I did much better when I wrote all the times I've done it, so I will do that once more but in here.

I'm also in search for a new notebook to begin writing in. I'll call it my BS notebook. Right now I have two temporary ones.

Character: Daemon ♥

I hope that heart works. If not, oh well. I probably won't fix it either way.

So anyway, I started working on Daemon, my new character, yesterday during my two hour break. He's  pretty interesting, I think. He has a ton of regrets, and he's working hard to fix it. However, he can't seem to move past his bloody addiction.

I'm starting to see him now, too. He's not just a bunch of words scrawled on paper. He actually has an image. He's a person. That I will describe when I get home. Time to go!

Overview

So I've been accept to Mount Holyoke College and am patiently awaiting my decision from UNC-Chapel Hill and Boston University. Hopefully, they'll both come by the end of the week.

I've successfully revived my thirst for reading. The Neighbor by Lisa Gardner was everything I expected plus some. It was so amazing, and it kept me on my toes the whole time. I never wanted to put it down.

I'm slowly trying to rebuild my love for writing, but it's coming along quite nicely.

Speaking of writing, I'm going to head to a conference room and do just that.

Spring Break is over, but I'm not depressed

First day back to school after spring break?

Isn't that supposed to be boring? Breaks like that normally make you yearn for summer vacation because it gives you a taste of what you're missing. All in all, I enjoyed my break. It was relaxing, refreshing, and I can't say I got a lot done. But I feel rejuvenated. It had to be one of the best spring breaks I've ever had.

So explain to me why I'm so excited to be back?

It's like the first day of school all over again except I don't have to wait to seriously dive into the work because we're already at that point.

All day, I've just been excited to get started on the new material. Is it because I enjoy my classes? I want to major in English, and two of my classes were designed for english majors? And French has always been one of my favorite courses.

But I took Intro to Lit and French 1 last semester, and after fall break and thanksgiving break, I just couldn't wait for Christmas and Summer.

What makes this semester different than the others?

Why do I suddenly want to start writing and learning so that I can improve myself?

Why am I ready for graduation but content with waiting? Why am I anxious for college but glad for the wait?

I'm content with where I am, and what I'm doing, and that is the best feeling in the world. Deep down, I want to say it's because of Shinedown's new song, but it's more than that. I think that I've been inspired by my new interest in adult books and maybe Shinedown's new song plays a part in the inspiration. They are one of my greatest inspirations.

I don't know what's gotten into me lately, but I'm just so happy. I hope this feeling never ends.

A New Chapter

It's always depressing when you move from one stage of your life to the next because that change means some things have to go. It's a mourning process, and it's not something you have control over. Well, you do, if you can handle being a big fish in a small pond, forever frustrated by the immaturity of those surrounding you, but most people can't handle that. I can not handle it.

I've said all of that to say that I've officially outgrown young adult books. They're all the cliched and the writing sometimes makes me want to puke. Occasionally, I will find a good book, but looking for one is like finding a needle in a haystack. Sometimes there are false needles that seem great, but when you delve deeper into it's depths you discover it's just like the others.

I've lost faith in books, and I've discovered that the only way to revive my passion is to move away from the kiddie section. Deep down, I know that I'll miss the cliched vampire books, the rich kids, and the people who are my age. But I know that something bigger and better waits for me on the other side of the library. I just hope I'm ready, and I hope that the new authors are ready for me.

Books turned Movies

Ever since the Twilight Saga, books turned movies have left a bad--no, horrible-- taste in my mouth. I can't stand it when they do turn great--or mediocre books for that matter--into movies because then you get those idiots who just see the movie and think they know everything about the book even though the movie usually slaughters the book. Then the popularity of the book rises and at that point any mention of the franchise annoys the crap out of me.

Plus, they turn the same kind of books into movies now.

I mean, come on, I think Fallen by Lauren Kate is well written, but it's nearly impossible not to compare the plot to Twilight thanks to the mysterious boy who must stay away from the main character and tries not to like her plot. I mean, come on. Twilight wasn't the first book to thave this, but it is the most famous now that it's plaguing the movie theaters. Therefore, a ton of Twilight fans will flock to the Fallen series, and now all I can think is, "well, at least they've moved up from Meyers." But really. Ugh. It's so annoying.

I wish they'd let books stay books until they become classics and need to be revived. Don't turn new books into movies because then no one will read the books. Seriously. Besides, they get the worst people to make them.

TO TOP IT ALL OFF...

Disney is going to make Fallen. Seriously? Disney? Really? Alice in Wonderland would have been extraordinary if Disney hadn't made it PG. Imagine what they'll do to Fallen? I mean, there's cussing, violence, the whole thing, you know? So imagine a PG version? It would suck. And if they get Miley Cyrus or Selena Gomez to play in it...

Ugh.

Maybe they'll turn it into a Disney Channel movie or something. I don't know. But I just hope they don't turn anymore of /my/ books into movies.

---

As for the plot issue, I've learned the only way to fight it is to write my own book. I complain so much about books, I should put my money where my mouth is and work on something of my own. If there's another thing Secret Society taught me, it's that I should be proactive and get to work. You never know how it will turn out.

Secret Society by Tom Dolby

So, all in all, the book sucked. I ended up giving up halfway through the novel because I couldn't take it anymore. I seriously tried to make it to the end, but I couldn't do it. However, as cheesy as it sounds, it did teach me something about writing.

Show it. Don't tell it.

That's where Dolby went wrong. He told me when he should have showed me. He didn't cut out parts where he simply told me stuff. He just told me, and he did it in a bad way. Secret Society had a good plot, it should have been destined for greatness. But the execution was all wrong. The only thing I can compare it to is Twilight, and to be honest, I think it's a little bit worse. At least Meyer showed us what she was talking about as if she were directing a film. Dolby was just writing. He forgot about the picture he was supposed to be painting.

Even though I hated the book, I have to thank the author for the lesson in writing that he unknowingly gave me. Thank you Mr. Dolby.

Cop Out

I don't know how I feel right now, but it's not a bad thing. It's a confused happy thing. Maybe just a friend thing.

Sims, Spring, and Chowan

Tomorrow is the first day of spring break! And I couldn't be happier! xD We're also going to visit Chowan University tomorrow since my sister got a full ride there, so we want to make sure it looks nice and feels like home to her. To be honest, I can't wait mostly because I love long car rides. ^^

I got the Sims to work last week! So yes, I was having some technical difficulties with the Sims 3, but it was definitely my fault. I hadn't installed any updates to the EA thing or the Sims 3 in a long time, so it was having trouble updating my software. I ended up uninstaling it and then reinstalling it just so that it would update properly. My new family is going great. Allegra adopted a daughter named Renee who will be growing into a teenager as soon as I buy the cake, she's in charge of a whole coporation, and she's pregnant with her boyfriend's child. Everything is great in chez Allegra.

Spring is here! I have one more exam today, and once that one is complete, I will be exam free. I only have two classes today: Advanced Comp and French 120, so I will be on my laptop a lot today! ^^ I can't wait. Sims 3 here I come

It's been a long time...

I know, it's been a long time since my last real post, but I've been fairly busy. I meant to come on yesterday and post a to-do list, but that didn't happen. Luckily, I managed to finish everything. Let's see... this is what I've been busy with this week.

• English Literature Paper: It took me forever to come up with a topic and a thesis, and in the end I pretty much through something together, but I think it's an okay paper. If I don't get an A, then I should at least get a high B. I also had to prepare for that midterm
• Advanced Comp: We had a paper due last Friday, and we have a two part midterm. The first part was today. I finished that I think I think I did a good job on it. xDD Now for part 2. I need to remember to bring one of the short stories to class and watch the Kanye video.
• French: We had a test last week. Can you believe that I was the only one who made an A? I got a 97%. xD I thought more people would get an A since it's just old homework exercises, but I guess that's a nother sign that I'm a cross creek student: I think I'm smarter than the FSU kids. Ha.
• Speech: Ugh, I'm still  slightly behind on my speech. I can't seem to think of a topic. Soon, I'm going to have to brainstorm a bunch of topics and then force myself to pick. We also have our midterm tomorrow. I think I'll be ready. It's multiple choice and only 25 questions.
• Biology: Where do I start with this class? This woman does not believe in taking a day off! I mean, come on! We have our midterm in about thirty minutes, and once we finish we have to stay because we have lab right after. She also gave us a ton of homework last week. We had to read three chapters in the book, and answer the questions for review. On top of that, we had our post lab questions. =P When will her class end?
• Newspaper: Ugh, I'm starting to feel like I'm the only one who cares! We will call the other major editor Doug. Doug hasn't been helping much. He always whines about how I should stay later to work on it while he's in class, but I spend all of my free time at home and at school editting those papers. I edit them two or three times, and then after the advisor reads them, I fix most of the mistakes. I'm the one who tells people when to turn in their papers, and I pester them until they turn them in. I'm the one who makes the posters, and I write one or two articles per paper. He writes the movie section, sometimes the school section, and he takes the old articles off of the template. But that's not that hard. It takes a couple of seconds. I'm just tired of him complaing and whining about how I go home right after my classes are done or if I can't make it to one meeting. Or if I tlel him I'm not staying after because 1. he told me last minute and 2. I have other things to do. Plus, I had three midterms today, and I'm still going to stay after to work on the paper. And what's he going to do? Apparently he's not staying after school today. Figures.

For leisure, I've been reading two books. One, I'm rereading, and the other I was reading for book club, but I couldn't make that meeting, and now I'm just reading it because it's good. We also went to Myrtle Beach.

• Blue Bloods: I've read this book before, and now that I'm rereading it, I don't know why I liked it so much. I mean, it's not horrible, but character development isn't that good. I think it'd make a better movie, and to be honest I don't think I'd go see it. But I'm only rereading this one and the rest of the books in the series so that I can finally read the fourth book in the series. ^^
• Flowers for Algernon: This was originally a book club book, but since I like the book, I've decided to finish it. It's well written. Even the parts in the begining when he was still illiterate are well written. If I wanted, I could make a jab at a certain vampire novelist, but I won't. I refuse to.... Haha xD It's so tempting.
• Myrtle Beach: Myrtle Beach was so much fun, and the hotel was really nice. We went shopping, and can you believe I spent more than my little sister? Crazy, I know, but I've decided that my style will be more faux punk rock, you know? It's hard to explain, but no more Aeropostal and American Eagle shirts for me. Just graphic tees. I will still wear their jeans though because they fit me the best.
• My book: Ha, I haven't really worked on this recently. I guess that goes along with being busy. Also, I haven't really had any new ideas, but I did have a new scenario for Daemon that I wanted to write about. I should start on that in Biology today. It's sad when I plan other activities to do in class. It goes to show you that these classes are too easy for me.

Anyway, I should go. I need to leave before my friends do because I told them I was going to lunch... but I didn't because I got distracted. I also need to sign into lunch so...

Au Revoir,
TLE

Myrtle Beach

It was amazing, but I don't have time to talk about it now because I have to go downstairs to the printer if I even want to consider making it to class on time. Adios.

Link

This is a link for myself on character development that I will watch when I get home.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7fryOcx_T0&feature=related

Most Likely to Succeed

I was voted most likely to succeed. Yay me. =]

Anyway, I did a prewrite, which I'm going to do every day. I'm also watching video tips and have been working on my plot. It's changed a little, but it's intersting. According to this video, I should have a basic idea about certain things that need to happen which is a good idea. I haven't decided what should happen though. You know, except for bits and pieces of the big thing. I'm still working on the characters. Mostly the minor characters actually and a couple of mains. They need names that aren't conventional names and abilities. I've thought of one person though. I've decided to name him Bolt,

I'm hoping that if I make writing a bigger part of my life, that little bad habit will begin to disappear.

Anyway, I'm about to go home, so I need to go.

-Literary Elitist
 Keep on reading.

Me + FSU Computers = x_x

Yep, they hate me. I had to try out three computers before I found one that worked. Yep, so much for studying Bio before my 9am.

idk why I'm up

I have no idea why I'm awake right now. I think once my body woke me up at five,  my mind thought it was a Monday or something and wouldn't let me return to sleep. It's almost ridiculous. I'm going to be so exhausted later on today. Sheesh. But this rare bout of insomnia has granted me the opportunity to think about my new plot line and I've come up with a new idea. xD

I have been calling it Seven.

It's like a brotherhood clut type of thing. You see, the scientist that changed all of them wants to use them as weapons. Those scientists  shipped off Seven to Earth and allowed them to begin their reign of terror. Eventually, Daemon, who was originally apart of the group, left. I'm thinking that he witnessed the members of Seven slaying children and so he left withoug saying a word to them. That was when he ran into Scarlet and they  began killing the people they decided deserved it the most: the scientists. And Daemon never told her about Seven or that he'd already started the extermination that Scarlet deems evil beyond words.

Divided

It's no surprise that the seniors at my school find themselves in one of two groups:

The All African American Group of People Who Obsess about Clothes and Aren't So Diverse
And A Mixture of all Races and People Who Listen to All Types of Music

Sure, there are people who can merge between the groups, but I am not one of those people. Not anymore. I don't have anything in common with the first group besides race, and between you and me, race isn't even that important when it comes to identity to me.

I belong to the second group, and my sister to the first. So when she asks why I do not want to go on the not-school-sponsered trip that the people in Group A are going to, my answer is obviously no. My friends are not going to that trip. Besides, I have a feeling it will be very sloppy just like the Halloween Party I decided to go to. Certain people will feel excluded, there will be loads of sweat and heat, and it just won't be fun.

Besides, we're going to Myrtle Beach exactly two days after them, and I don't have to pay $300 for that trip.

So no, I will not go with them, and if she can't go because I won't go then so be it. I'm not making any exceptions.

New Case. Woo =]

Hm, I don't have much I want to say except that I bought a case for my Zune. Um, yeah, that's it. xD

"Why didn't you drink water first?"

The title is a text my friend just sent me because I told him I ate too many cookies and now I'm full. ^^ Gotta love girl scout cookies.

Anyway, I'm hyper, so excuse my rambling. So many cookies... Hehe. Wish I had time to watch Greek, but I don't because the meeting is in nearly thirty minutes, and Greek is an hour long show. Therefore, no time. But I do have time to blog today.

Like I said in my post earlier this morning, I have come up with a new idea. Or rather, I've come up with a better version of my old plot. I'd like to say it's very similar. Or at leat the origins are. The basic plot is. You know, scientists go crazy with their experiments in an effort to take over the human population and start a new species. Yeah, stuff like that. Except this time, the two main characters , Scarlett and No Name, were raised in the scientific institutions, and once they escaped, they formulated a plan to get revenge. Which, in all honesty, is quite simple. They plan on murdering the scientists partly for revenge and partly to save the world.

Actually, I'm not sure how much they actually care about the human world, but I know they intend on getting revenge. I also know that eventually, one of the duo will die.

Um, is there any thing else I'm missing? I think that's it. Oh, I may be able to tie the two ideas into a series... Or something. I'd seriously have to think, but it's nice to have one idea on the back burner while the other is formulating in my mind. That means I have things to work with.

I also discovered a new way to brainstorm characters. Pick song quotes that you think relate to them. It helped me come up with some power options for Scarlett. So far I know she's controlling, she's not physically strong (which is why they thought she was a failure) but she is mentally strong. I fashioned her after the Wife of Bath, which we are reading in Lit. Basically, she seems weak when you see her. She's not fast, she's not strong, but what she lacks in physical power she makes up for with her brain. She's smart, and witty, and knows how to manipulate people. She's also a bit of a seductress. I'm either giving ehr the power of fear, memories, or both. At the moment, I'm leaning on both of them.

As for the guy, I have yet to think about him. I'm actually going to move on to him as soon as I transfer my hand written notes for Scarlett on to One Note. xD This is getting exciting. Anyway, I must get to work, but first I think I'll create a short to do list for today.

• Finish WOB
• Work on new plot
• Look over Advanced Composition First Paper Notes
• Work/Find Resume for AVID
• Watch Greek
• Read Evermore

That's all for right now. More on my life later.

Until Next Time,

The Literary Elitist

P.S. I wonder if I should change her hair color to blonde?

Busy Work

If there is one thing I can not stand, it is busy work. For one, it will never help me in my life. I mean, it's pointless work that takes up my precious time. During that wasted time, I could be studying or researching or reading or writing or getting ready for college or something. But no, because my french teacher has nothing left to teach us, she decided to give us busy work instead of having class. So now I'm sitting in the library researching French authors. What a drag. I mean really. And you know what else, we can only use books to find out about their lives. I hope she doesn't expect me to bring the books I use to class. I will carefully site them and write the things I learn about these people, but other than that, that is it. This will not be on the test, I am not majoring in French, this is an intro class. Therefore, this is useless information to me.

On an upper note, I have come up with an idea for a new plot, but I need to work out some minor details such as names and things like that. Once I'm done with this , I plan to update you on the rest of my work. Until then, I will be researching the life of Germaine de Stael.

Au revoir,

The Literary Elitist

Nikki Sixx

I know, it's been awhile from my last post, but I promise I won't neglect you anymore. =]

So let me catch you up on the story of my life.

To be honest, nothing seriously intersting has happened in the last few weeks except for my acceptence and scholarship (full tuition) to Cornell College in Mount Vernon Iowa.

I haven't written any of my story since I started getting ideas, but I have been asking myself questions to explore the main characters. I think I'll work on that.

I've also been focusing on reading. Recently, I read The Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx. You know, the bassist and lyricist/genius behind Motley Crue. Now, I don't listen to Motley Crue, but I do like Sixx: AM, which is the only reason I got the book from the library. The book really opened my eyes on the topic of faith and how you really should research people before you listen to them. The things Sixx did and the way he twisted the bible to fit his songs was horrible, but I'm glad he's changed his ways even though I'll never listen to Motley Crue. Sixx: AM is a different story.

I wonder how Shinedown writes most of their songs?

I'll research that later. As for now, it's Greek and writing time while I wait for my French class. I should probably do some homework too.... Yeah. =]

Au Revoir.

Until I Graduate

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't feel like the same person I was just a few short months ago. I know everyone else hasn't changed. They're the same happy people they always were. As for me? I just feel different. I don't know what it is. Yesterday, I sat in a conference room with two of my friends and although I talked to them, I felt so distant. We could have been sitting in two different rooms, in two different cities, in two different countries and that would have felt closer than the mere feet that seperated us. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm lonely, but at the same time I've been shying away from any attempt at socialization. I rarely go to the conference rooms. I'd much rather go home after school. And maybe that's it. I am in all of my clases by myself. Absolutely no familiar faces from my school. I walk to class alone, and I walk from class alone. Sometimes I sit by myself at lunch alone because all of my friends either don't go or go at a different time. I don't think I really want to be alone, but I know how I function. I become close friends with people that I see, pass by on a daily basis, and have classes with. I'm absolutely alone in my world of English classes and speech, so I won't be talking to my friends. I don't have lunch with them, and I barely text them anymore.

It's a lonely life, but its' the life I have to lead until I graduate.

Schedule for Today

First, I would like to congratulate myself for getting a 20k scholarship to RMC. Not my first choice, but it gives me hope that I won't be forced to live here for the rest of my existence. Anyway, on to my next point.

I have an essay due tomorrow. One to two pages. I want it to be KA, so I plan on spending a lot of time on it even though it only needs to be a few words.

1. Come up with a basic outline for the paper and modify the thesis. 2:30-3pm
2. Read Peace, Love, and Baby Ducks 3pm-4pm
3. Write paper. 4:15pm-5pm
4. Read Peace, Love, and Baby Ducks 5pm-6pm
5. Write paper 6pm-7:15pm  FINISHED
6. Read PLBD and eat food/clean the kitchen

Writing, reading, writing, reading, eat, clean, watch TV. That's pretty much my schedule for today. Hopefully, I'll finish the paper earlier. Anyway, I guess I should get started now.

Potential Names

The School and Group of Scientists

• Corunum (Cor unum = one heart in latin)
• Corigenda (things to be corrected)
• Kronos: Creater of Zeus and Hades

For the Subjects

• Corigenda (things to be corrected)
• Denovo (from the new)
• demigod

Epic fail today

New Idea and To Do List

So for the past few days I've been mulling over an idea which eventually turned into a setting, which turned into a character or two, and then transformed into the begining of a plot .I will post what I know so far in this entry.

Set in the near future, is a boarding school. As of right now, it does not have a name. Anyway, at this boarding school, the kids are usually really smart. They excell in some area of study and they are very unique. They also suffer from the side affects of an experiment set by the group that runs the school. Their name has yet to be decided. Most of the experiments took place while they were in the womb or immediately after they were born. Sometimes both parents know about the experiments, one parent, or neither parent is aware of the drugs placed into their children. But what do these drugs do?

Originally, the scientists who created the drug wanted to create a new species of humans. Ones that were smart and would be able to wipe out the current species. He named them something, but I haven't quite thought of that yet. Anyway, he made the drug and tried it on a few kids and the results were fascinating. The drug changed the children's DNA and made them what society deems attractive, gave them special academic talents, and finally, it gave the children special abilities.

Shapeshifters, elementalists, telekinetics, and psychics wall the corridors of the boarding school. Most of them have recently become aware of their abilities, and at the school. However, few know what they have actually been created to do, and that is to wipe out the entire human raceand populate the world with their own species.

That's where Adrienne Bates comes in. Humble, meek, and shy Adrienne Bates was turned into a  _____ by her fahter, who is a part of the organization that wants to better the human race. She never knew her father, and he left immediately after she was born. And her mother has no clue what kind of daughter she has. Her mom has also dated an array of men. Drug dealers, doctors, criminals, lawyers-- her mom has dated so many people and she has been married four times. Each marriage doesn't last long. Her mom always cheats on her latest fling, causing them to break up. Therefore, Adrianne has distanced herself from her temporary fathers because she knows they'll be gone soon. She does, however, have a younger brother. They have two different fathers, and the young boy sees his father quite often.

 I haven't quite decided what her supernatural power will be, but I do know that she has frequent headaches and an insignia burned onto her forearm that most people think is a simple birthmark. However, her new father knows what the mark means. He's in the group as well, and so he ships her off to the boarding school where she meets a friend--Jeremy(may change) Todd.

Jeremy is a bit of a social outcast. He's escentric and has a sarcastic sense of humor. He spends a lot of his time on his computer playing RPGs where he can slay demons and team up with people to come up with complex plans to defeat the overlord. He relates everything to RPGs.

He has a classic family. A father that works, a stay at home mom, and a ton of brothers and sisters with ages that range from six months to the mid thirties. Jeremy is the middle child. Neither of his parents know that he is not exactly human. In fact, he wouldn't have ended up at the school if it wasn't for one of his middle school teachers. The teacher noticed the insignia burned on to his forearm and suggested that he go to the school. He told Jeremy's parents that it was a very exclusive school.

Jeremy is pretty good with computers, but he has a knack for Chemsitry. His power is also unknown at the moment.

As of right now, I'm thinking that there will be someone who left the school upon finding out what it stood for. He'll be somewhat of a legend on the school grounds, and eventually he will make his entrance into the tale.

As for now, that's all I have. I'll look up powers and names.

---------------------

Now for the to do list. For the second week of school, I sure have a ton of homework. But I'll take this one day at a time. My to do list for Friday is as follows.

1. Conduct research for my new plot idea. Things that need to be researched: RPG games, mythological creatures, super powers, a little Chemistry, and playwriters. Boarding Schools should also be researched further.
2. Read to page 90 in Beowulf.
3. Complete French Homework
4. Read for fun. =] You need to finish Lament.
5. Laundry
6. Towels
7. Make those funny sausages.
8. Clean room

Hopefully I'll be able to finish everything today and not procrastinate

The First Week Of School Is Complete

So I will describe my classes one by one along with my professors. What's funny is this is the AVID assignment for this week. ^^

• Advanced Composition (English  341): To be honest, when I signed up for this class I thought I had gotten myself into a huge mess. I mean, come on. Advanced Composition? It sounded boring even if it promised continuous writing. I thought this class would murder me. Instead, it's one of my favorite classes. It's like Socratic Seminar for English majors. She understands that the reading is difficult, and she expects us to discuss them. There are no right or wrong answers in her class. As for my professor, she's big, but not in an overweight big. She's basketball playerf/football player. She's built like an olympic athlete, and if it wasn't for the perpetual smile that graced her features people would run away from her cowering in fear. She's the embodiment of the saying, "Seeing is decieving." From what I've learned about her, she is a farm girl. She was born and raised in rural Minnesota, and when she graduated high school, she moved to urban Chicago. Talk about a huge change of scenery. She's a bit on the naive side, though. She honestly thinks that everyone is out to help her, or she used to. She's still getting used to city life if you can even call the urban disastor that we call home a city. She's a promising teacher though, and is someone taht encourages me to observe, write, and create.
• English Literature I (English 311): This class is also interesting, and I actually anticipate procrastinating on the reading material like I always do. Some things never change. Anyway, the class is interesting. We're starting with Beowulf, a book I've read before, but this time we're going to read the whole thing. My teacher seems to be a movie buff. I say this because she relates everything to movies. For example: she taught us about the definition of the word "canon" by taking us to IMDB and showing us the top ten films voted by IMDB users, and the top ten grossing films in the United States. She also promises that we'll watch Beowulf (not the one with Angelina Jolie) soon. Speaking of my professor, I find it ironic that she teaches an English Literature class. When you watch movies like Sweeney Todd or POTC, and you see the old Englishmen and women, the first thing you-or at least I-- notice is their teeth. Her teeth belong in one of those movies. They're rusty yellow color tinged with blacks and browns. They hang from her mouth at different sizes and some overlap each other. It's amazing how some people can't afford to go to the dentist, and I don't mean that in a degrading way. She's also short and plump like the rich people in Europe were back in the day. Her strawberry blonde hair, however, may point to an Irish background instead of an English background, but English and Irish backgrounds overlap. She's also the complete opposite of my Composition instructor. She's loud, and doesn't shy away from vulgar topics. Her jokes are pervy and crude, but so are mine and I like that about her.
• Elementary French I (French 12): Ah, how great is is to learn another language besides Spanish. It's different and similar in a way that makes knowing a little Spanish both a hinderance and a blessing. I've had my professor before so I'm familiar with her ways, and that familiarity is nice and comforting. I know her tests, I know her homework. I know her. Last year, I commented that my instructor is pretty. She's small, frail, and exactly what you would expect from a girl of French decent. She teaches yoga, and her hair is big. Brown, curly, and slightly frizzy, it frames and consumes her face. If she straightened it, and cut it shorter, she would be amazing. Especially with that bone structure. She should get a Tyra Makeover. Her accent is adorable, and I like watching her speak. She moves her lips in a way that doesn't seem particularly human. It's amazing, and when I try to speak her native tongue, I find myself mimicing her lip movements. She loves to cook, and she believes a lot of the sterotypes people have about her own culture. French people love to cook, French people are rude and snooty, French professors are evil. Normally, stereotypes annoy me, but we do it all the time. But you just have to remember that there are exceptions to every rude. Not everyone is like that, but she definitely is.
• Modern Biology (NSCI 120): I'm going to dread this class. Last semester, I thought Smelly was intolerable. His odor, his teaching methods, his homework. His class nearly drowned me in homework and prelabs while his excrutiating body odor suffocated me. It would have been a painful way to die, but at least I made it out alive and well although perpetually scarred. The second part of his course, though, will surely kill me. I, being the smart person that I am, decided tot ake it with another professor. One that would teach instead of give homework and who didn't reak of onions and spoiled milk. However, i didn't realize that the teacher I had chosen was on the polar opposite of Smelly. She teaches strictly by powerpoint. Not her own, I might add, but the one that came with the book. You would think this would be great, a smooth, easy ride. But it's not. Just like too much water can kill you, oversimplification will destroy you as well and it'll probably be twice as painful. The class is too easy for me, and poses no direct challenge. It'll be an easy A , I guess. Also, this professor is my only African American professor, which makes no difference to me, buti t's nice to point out these things. As for what I know about her, she has her MD, and she's definitely a Christian. For the evolution chapter, she refuses to lecture on it. Instead, we have to do a project. I don't care about evolution, and I'm not even sure I believe in it, but this shouldn't bother me. Instead, it bothers the crap out of me. Seperation of church and state means that we have to learn evolution, and just making us do a project on it will not suffice. Especially when she stated that Evolution was the key to biology. But whatever. My professor is also rather tall for a woman. At one point, she must have been beautiful, but age has not been kind to her. Her cheeks seem heavy,a nd weigh down her face. Her hair is uneven and is almsot always pulled into a tight professional bun. She used to be a psychiatrist, but for some reason she gave up the world of crazy patients and mental disorders for a teaching job at a second rate university. She must really have a passion for teaching.
• Introduction to Speech (Speech 200): I knew exactly what I was getting into with this class. I knew my professor was fun, I knew he was easy going, and I knew that the seniors last year passed his class with flying colors. Therefore, I signed up for his class, and I was not disappointed. He has a rule for everything funny yet horrible that has happened in his class from speech fetish erections to climbing through the window because you're late to class. From what I've learned about my professor, he likes journalism and is starting a journalism program at the school. He used to have a speaking disorder when he was younger, but int he fourth grade, he joined a speech competition and managed to take home the first place prize. That day, he'd found his calling. It's truely inspirationaly, I think, to remember sucha  life changing moment. I mean, it would have been a great college essay. As for me, I can't remember when I decided I wanted to major in english, when I decided writing was my calling. I think, because of my stubborness to stray from my dreams of majoring in prelaw, that my process to finding my calling was gradual, and by the time I realized it, it was too late. But I'm rambling now. Back to him. He's married, and he got married early. He doesn't care about what people think about him. He wears glasses, texts as much as any teenager, and he carries a small black brief case. His class will surely be interesting.

Anyway, the first week of classes is complete, and the second week is almost at its peek. I can honestly say I like the majority of my classes, I'm in love with my schedule, and my last semester of high school will surely be memorable. I've finally discovered who I am, and I'm ready to take on the world with the help of my new professors.

Schedule for 1/12/2010

Okay, I'm going to update on my college teachers later tonight, but as for now, here is a simple to do list.

• Bath/Read 1:30-2:30
• Beowulf first ten pages 3-3:45
• Break
• Advanced Comp reading last fifteen pages 5:30-6:30
• Break
• Review New French Words 7:30-8
• Nothing/Post blog entry and write